


Portends for a Rainy Day

by Kantayra



Category: Jim Butcher - The Dresden Files
Genre: Gen, Yuletide, challenge:Yuletide 2007, recipient:Jedi Buttercup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-12-25
Updated: 2007-12-25
Packaged: 2017-10-19 01:44:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/195504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kantayra/pseuds/Kantayra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some days, even the forces of evil need some time off, or so Harry tries to convince Lasciel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Portends for a Rainy Day

"Your destruction surrounds you, and you do not even see it, my host."

"What?" I asked, frowning at the water to boil faster. "Is the milk two days past its expiration again?"

Lasciel stood by my sofa, looking thoroughly out of place in the Victorian garb she tended to wear when she was feeling particularly uninspired, and crossed her arms over her chest. That's the problem with Fallen Angels; they can never take a joke.

"I speak of dire portends and betrayal from within," Lasciel insisted huffily.

"I promise I'll go to the store tomorrow. Just not in this weather, okay?"

She wasn't biting. Some day, I'd have to teach her about using humor to alleviate stress, except for the fact that Lasciel happened to be a shadow of a demon as old as time, hell-bent (quite literally) on capturing my soul and sending it to the realm of eternal torment. It was too bad, because she really looked like she needed a laugh.

Now, before I continue, I should tell you a bit more about Lasciel. True, she'd invaded my conscious thoughts, driven me to the brink of madness, and toyed with everything I thought I knew. But that was on a good day. Good days, for Lasciel, were days when a dozen or so scary and ridiculously powerful magical enemies were all trying to kill me. On those days, she could almost lure me in with her promise of power.

Most days, however, were like today. Nothing was trying to kill me, and the greatest danger I faced was whether or not to brave the Chicago rain. I actually had gone out earlier to check the mail at the office, and it had been one of those days where the wind off the lake catches the rain and blows it sideways. My not-so-trusty Beetle had decided to go on strike two blocks from my office, and I really couldn't blame it the way its windshield wipers had been struggling in vain all along. By the time I got into the office at a steady run, I was soaked to the bone. On days like today, umbrellas do nothing.

My umbrella wouldn't have helped me on the way back, either, because the gnomes that had begun infesting my office ever since the last time I pissed off Ramirez had snatched up the umbrella almost the second I set it down, and by the time I had time to react, it was nothing but mangled wire and black confetti. I made a mental note to afflict something painful on Ramirez the next time he dropped by, maybe put him in charge of giving Mouse his next flea bath. After all, Ramirez' little prank was far more serious than my original crime. That had been a complete accident, and Ramirez' eyebrows would grow back soon enough anyway.

Long story short, I got even wetter on the way back home from the office than I had on the way there. Even with the war going on, it was the closest Lasciel had gotten to a solid threat against my life in months. No Fallen Angel worth her salt would let that go.

"You have grown complacent in your own power," Lasciel insisted.

"That's exactly why I'm not going out in this rain again." Sometimes I almost pitied Lasciel. It had to be hard being the agent of a being of unspeakable evil when the worst you had to work with was some lousy weather. Lasciel always went that extra mile to damn my immortal soul, though. She really deserved a good Christmas bonus, except that I kind of doubted that Fallen Angels got those.

"You jest when the forces of darkness hang about you." Lasciel straightened the skirt of her uncharacteristically decent dress.

"The forces of darkness have a dead bird on their head." While I waited for the hot water to boil, I peeled back my socks one at a time. They rolled back reluctantly with a squelching sound, and I discovered that someone hadn't Color Guarded right because my feet were now dyed a dull gray.

Lasciel reached up to adjust the hat on her head. It really did have a giant stuffed dead pheasant right in the middle of a deranged mess of bows and flowers. Seeming to take my point, she switched gears and was suddenly before me in an ancient-style white gown with a solid gold shawl. Her hair had gone long and black, and was crowned by a gold headdress done in elaborate gilded feathers with a vulture's head at the front. She'd switched over to Egypt for the afternoon, then, and right on schedule.

"You still have a dead bird on your head," I pointed out.

"A _gold_ bird, not a dead one," she insisted.

I shrugged. I wasn't going to debate semantics, and at least this dead bird was less disturbing than the last one.

"Now, where was I?"

"The forces of evil are nigh upon me, my own allies will stab me in the back, and kittens shall never be cute again until the end of time!" I laughed maniacally for good effect.

Lasciel looked at me like I'd gone crazy or something. Everyone's a critic these days. "Right. Anyway," she huffed, and I had to admit that she huffed better in the Victorian clothing. It just looked silly in Egyptian princess garb. "How can you not see the danger that surrounds you?"

Mouse took that moment to yawn spectacularly on the armchair he'd co-opted. It was such beautiful comedic timing, I wish I had come up with it myself.

Lasciel looked testy.

"Give it a break, Lash," I advised as the wind shook through the building, reminding me once more how cold I was. The water finally started to boil, thankfully, and I set about to pouring coffee. "It's cold and gray out. Can't we all just hide from the weather in peace for one day?"

Lasciel pondered this. "You have let what you know to be deadly agents into your own home, and only by taking up the coin can you defeat them all..." she said half to herself.

"Let's face it: you're the scariest thing in this apartment today." I hated to be blunt, but sometimes it was just necessary to get the message across.

Mouse snuffled slightly amid his pile of pillows, as if taking great offense to that remark.

Lasciel seemed to take offense too, although if anything it had been a complement. "You live with an air spirit whose power you can barely contain, an apprentice who has used dark magic to savage another's mind, and..." She frowned slightly as she tried to ascertain the danger inherent in Mouse. "That dog," she finally finished lamely.

"And none of them are harbingers of evil, determined to purge my soul and steal my powers for world domination," I retorted, quite reasonably, I thought.

Lasciel pouted. "Prove it."

I shrugged. "Hey, guys!" I shouted out over the sound of wind and rain outside. "Are you harbingers of evil, determined to purge my soul and steal my powers for world domination?" The question echoed throughout my apartment quite nicely, if I do say so myself.

"I will if you don't return my shampoo!" Molly's voice came from the bathroom.

"That was Thomas," I provided helpfully. "I think he took it when he dropped by last weekend."

"Then I'll purge _his_ soul and steal his powers for world domination," Molly concluded.

I gave Lasciel a knowing look. "What about you, Bob?"

"You know, I think I saw that in a porno once..." came the voice from the basement.

I looked at Mouse. He snuffled and buried his head deeper into the pillows.

Lasciel sighed and sat down very rigidly on the edge of the table. For her, it was the equivalent of a week-long Bahaman cruise. "Fine," she agreed. "Carry on."

Cup of steaming hot coffee in hand, I retired to the couch and the pile of blankets thereon. It was the perfect afternoon for a good book and no worries of any sort, at least until Molly blew something up in the lab again. Sometimes, even for a wizard with agents of evil attacking from every direction, life can be pretty good.

  



End file.
